And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
