All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
