jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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