So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
