Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
