You don't have asthma, your pregnant
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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