mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
