He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
