When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
