After last night, I could never be a politician.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
