Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
