The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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