Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
