I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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