his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
