if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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