I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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