He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
