I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
