Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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