The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
