Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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