While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
