Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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