My friends, they love my intelligence
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
