I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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