go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
