I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
