...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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