i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Randomize
