I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
