So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
