The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
