my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I love you. Go after that dick
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
