Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
