is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
