....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
