Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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