please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
