Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize