That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Text me some of your sweat
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
