just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
