She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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