so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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