I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
