I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
