obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
