I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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