giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
