Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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