I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
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