Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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