Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize