I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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