margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Randomize
