she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
