Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
