On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
