i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
