Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
