i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
