We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
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