Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
