she looked like the before picture.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
