we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
