craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
