No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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